I see a lot of spiritual teachers, groups and courses. But I hardly see anyone who is the same as Carien. It sometimes seems that I only see knowledge transfer, experience experts who speak about what they themselves have experienced. And if there is room for questions by the students, then after a satisfactory answer to the mind it seems to stop there already. I see that people choose to go to large groups, to blend in with the crowd.
Real contact seems rare, I find that strange. Because without contact or love, what can transform? I can become an improved person, or understand something better, but that doesn’t mean I really experience something.
It is very special and exclusive to live with Carien. To be so close to someone who really engages in contact, someone who is completely open and doesn’t have a double agenda in any way; one face, it’s real.
Although there are more people with whom I experience that they make contact, it is not so direct with anyone. She is not denying the ego, she is using it. She is a mirror of all shapes and colors. It seems like a contrast, all those teachers and Carien. Why is it so rare?
I asked Carien:
Carien: What is the difference between a teacher and me? I’m not a teacher. That is a very big difference. I actually represent your outer true self, the memory that you have forgotten. That is why I often say: You must learn to see through my eyes, not imitate me, but what I really mean by that. This can be done in awareness, it can only be felt. Just as I look through the eyes of those who have gone before me. Looking through the eyes of God, and God is not a voice in your head but the higher consciousness.
A teacher does his job temporarily, but with someone like me, you come to live with. He or She loves you, actually immediately. You discover that love yourself more and more, Love does not force itself on you, love is a disarmament, a discovery. Learning something is imposed on you, you have to do something. Of course I also say that sometimes, you have to do this, otherwise you will not experience it. Because if you keep taking the same steps, you will keep the same thoughts. Learning then actually comes naturally.
Pointing you in the right direction, goes with a lot of love and patience. For I know myself, not with my brain but with my heart, how difficult it is. And also how easy, the paradox is that it is simpler than simple.
It is very difficult for the person you still are. The person itself is having a hard time, suffering and confused. That person is not real at all. It fights, discusses, manipulates and has all kinds of roles for you to discover. This can only be answered with love and never with outside pressure. It is: I am you, and you are me. That’s a road I’ve traveled, to have discovered that.
A teacher comes up with an exercise that helps the teacher himself in life. He or she has become convinced of words. It has nothing to do with awareness, although it is called awareness. It is only intellectual, rational.
True teachers are very rare, unfortunately. You have one person, and they pass it on to a small select group. The real thing is only suitable for the people who love their teacher immensely. It can only be love that makes it blossom, there is no other way.
And that happens in stages, in moments. The quieter we become, the deeper the voice of God penetrates. They still don’t have the faintest idea what they’re dealing with. You will immediately recognize it as your natural self, but you have never known it. That’s the paradox. Everything is a paradox.
The brain cannot follow this, it quickly stops. Sometimes I throw out a lot of nonsense to lead people astray in the brain. The brain soon does not have it clear and it gets completely hung up on it. The moment you are no longer clear, the brain just wants to grab, even more action. At that moment where that feels very strong and you shout “I don’t have it clear” and “I want to solve it, this is not good!” That’s where the biggest pearl is at that moment, but most people don’t listen to that. They are absorbed in the drama and nonsense in the brain.
What I am and what I do is attacked, defaced and distorted from all sides. But what I am you cannot express with words, that is actually what you may begin to experience, not with a word or a thought. You can’t explain what it is, but you still do. You suffer from that, but you don’t realize that suffering yet.
The shape ensures that it remains busy, no flexibility and no openness. It’s a state of “this is me” and that always creates fear.
As soon as we grab something we have fear, we have pain, the wheel starts turning again. Love only exists if I’m nice to you, that’s not love.
Questioner: So I haven’t really discovered it yet?
Carien: No you don’t go any further. If you really discover that love, it means that you are enlightened. The greater part of us is then awake, which is not at all as vague as it sounds. You wake up from a nightmare, as it were, and that’s how it really feels.
When you wake up after a nightmare you’re glad you woke up, you’re relieved it wasn’t real. It may not let you go completely but the relief is there. This joy is a kind of relief. Who knows, you might also sleep with your eyes open now, and you certainly do. You have no contact with people. You always think of the contact. You’re holding back an entire character.
Questioner: Isn’t it hard to love us then?
Carien: No, love does not take any effort from me. That is already a journey of discovery in yourself, how that is possible.
How is it possible that I love you, while you are still full of lies and intentions.. Well, that is actually quite effortless. I am aware of something, otherwise it cannot be done. Just put yourself in that position, after all you are still full of interests.
Simply put, if someone is nice to you, you like them. If someone is unkind to you, then you don’t like them, that’s just selfishness. Then you haven’t made the journey inwards yet.
A student-master relationship can never be a relationship of high and low.
A master cannot be someone who stands with a stick in front of the class. It has nothing to do with that at all. What the answer should be is not a voice in your head, but a feeling in your heart.