A visit to Carien in Spain
It all started with a simple message from Carien: “Maybe your time has come as well to come to me. For what you ask requires a deeper contact. X.”
That same day I replied: “Yes, I’m coming to Spain.” I knew it was necessary. The start of a special journey.
In the Netherlands I had already experienced a special moment with Carien through Skype during Satsangs; experiencing that the distance doesn’t even really matter if you can open up to her as a guide, but the “being open” still isn’t something that happens smoothly for me. Therefore it is time for me to immerse into the energy of ISness, which is much is more perceivable in Spain because of the beautiful place and the physical presence of Carien.
The flight from Eindhoven went smoothly. I was warmly greeted by Carien and her son at the airport in Alicante. Greeted? No, I got a very intense and lovely hug. What a welcome! During the car ride to Cariens home, we immediately started conversing about relations and how unconscious a lot of people (including me) act, think and feel about it. The conversations with Carien are constantly like a Satsang and bring a lot of insight.
At the moment we arrived at the house I immediately felt that there was special energy. I had seen pictures and heard stories but now I could see and feel this beautiful place in between the mountains” for myself. And I saw how Erwin and the gardener were working on making it even better: working on stone walls, stairs, and the path to the big field which Emily had made…
I stayed in the guesthouse; everything included. Carien said: You need time to ‘land’. Yes, I needed that time, because I was still very active in my mind. Something that would often return during my stay. “Everything here is amplified,” she said. That was especially apparent in the beautiful Satsang room. I spent a lot of time here during my visit of more than a week. There were moments of serene silence, but I also often experienced my stubbornness. Everything here is amplified, you can’t hide from the truth…
I can honestly say that every day in Spain was special. It already starts with the daily Seva, in my case, it was sweeping the terrace. The first days I was still thinking a lot, time and again picking up leaves and sand. But during the week there was more and more silence and contemplation and it would feel almost effortless. It’s not so much about the result, but about love that is felt when it is done with attention, in myself and in others.
It is too much to tell here in detail what came to the surface during my conversations with Carien. You won’t know beforehand what is going to happen; Carien follows what ISness desires. A lot of life’s themes have come forward during individual Satsangs and practices and I was guided by Carien in a clear, sometimes confronting, often humorous but above all loving manner and encouraged to continue doing this by myself as well. Not for “me”, but for something that is greater than me. I noticed that experiencing silence (letting go of thinking) and feeling the bond with your guide is necessary for this. Without it, sincere self-examination and insight are impossible, also when I’m back in the Netherlands.
I want to share one specific moment: “Do I really want to experience ISness and do what is necessary?” was a very important question. To use a metaphor of Carien: Do I want to stay at the foot of the mountain and keep living in the village(and keep living my ego, thinking that I have a life as I do now)? Or do I want to climb the mountain step by step with my guide by which I’ll gradually get a better view of everything (experience ISness)? The road up isn’t easy, but not as hard as my thinking makes me believe. It is very tempting for me to stay in the valley and not climb the mountain, but something in me insists: “I don’t want to miss this!” It’s moments like this where I start to feel my “calling”. It makes me feel the ground under my feet and motivates me to continue.
I also want to thank Erwin, my travel companion on this voyage of discovery to our heart. With Carien as our guide and with each other as a mirror, representative, and teammate we have shared beautiful experiences. I have managed to let the majority of something go which had been stuck in me for a long time. Thanks to you Erwin!
Oh and before I forget: During my stay in Spain there was also a heavy storm, that brought a lot of thunder, wind, and rain. We did have a lot of luck, but the storm still damaged some things on the terrain. What stays with me is how everybody worked together in his own way with peace and effortlessness to repair the damage to make the place have a nice energy again.
This was my first trip to Carien in Spain: 9 days, the time flew by. The added value of physically being there has become apparent to me. And also how unconditional Carien dedicates her life towards guiding and awakening other people to ISness. Nothing, really nothing, is more important to her than that. The goodbye was also very heartly, with great hugs from Carien and her family. And intensely waving goodbye from both the departure hall as the “spotting spot” near the airport. Really crazy they are in all the good ways…
I will definitely be back to Spain. For the time being, I will get started with Carien’s instructions in the Netherlands. It is now up to me to allow her inside more and more in silence and to learn how to listen and to experience that she’s always by my side while I encounter life.
Lovely Greetings, Lucas